As for the result of the PT test - I failed the mile and a half run, but only by thirty seconds. As it went, I was seeing stars and my vision was starting to white out entirely so there was no way I could push myself harder without doing damage. Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I going to be depressed out it? No.
Some background information - I have never been a very good runner. We would have to do the mile in elementary school and up and I would always come in dead last. At Vincennes University, I took a running class because a friend wanted us to be in a class together and I would pull my right knee out something terrible every single time we would have to do a long run. The pain was horrible and I would limp the rest of the way, and I would have a bad limp for a few days after, which was usually time for another long run. I bought a soft knee brace but that only helped to a degree and my legs are so large now I would have no hope of wearing it again. I learned that my knees were fine skateboarding, and skateboarding was so much more fun anyway, that I would just do that instead. Every waking minute of the day.
So once I got the details of the test, I pretty much panicked. I'm nearly 75 pounds heavier now than I was then, and granted it's all muscle, but would being larger and older mean I would pull out my knee again? To me it almost seemed certain. I ran three days a week, as blogged about, and then did the rest of my exercises. The running usually went alright, also as blogged about. But I just had this feeling I would not be able to do it. I kept chugging away. Surprisingly I never once pulled my knee out.
The big day came along with excitement, adrenaline, and of course very little sleep. How would this thing play out? I've never done something like this before. It's certainly not the time to strut around in a cut-off baring the guns, shoulders, and some chest. I got some coffee and carb loaded beforehand. The other tests were very easy, but the sprint portion came and I pretty much started to doubt myself. I passed it and then the mile and a half came and I knew it was over. I pushed myself just short of bringing myself harm and failed.
On the way back in, two cops pep talked me, told me I have a great build and are clearly fit but need to run while I was snorting back snot, sucking air, covered in sweat, and seeing stars. They were very nice and told me to try again next time around and with just a little training I should vastly improve. I thanked them and limped to the car ahead of the rest of the crew.
I drove down to the nearest McDonald's for breakfast. After getting food, the adrenaline hit my like a bat to the back of the head. It hit so hard I was not sure if I would puke or pass out if I ate anything so I made a bunch of phone calls and stared at the food until the adrenaline surge passed.
After it passed, I felt as though someone else piloted my body through that test. It was such a strange disconnection from what I had experienced so early that morning. Yes I was sore but those memories do not feel as though they are entirely mine.
In the end, I am glad to know I can run without pulling my knee out. To me, 30 seconds off feels as though I cleared it and then said no to moving on. I can have some degree of running ability despite my age and size. And for the first time at a police department function, I feel as though I did pretty damn good.
Will I try it again? Possibly, but I need a new full time job first.